Time

Time.

What a rare commodity. Seems I've been running short on it here lately.

And by lately, I mean the past 6 months or so.

My head is swirling with a zillion thoughts on how to get back some of this precious gift of time.

Give up my part-time job?

Walk away from my position with the PTA?

Get another mom to room parent my 1st grader's class?

Quit one of the few church ministries I've always been called to serve in? ((Oh, wait -- I already did that last month.))

:(

There are so many things I need more time for.

Time for my family.

Time to blog the events and milestones I don't want to forget.

Time to play with my kids.

Time to update my almost 6-month-old's (!!!) baby book.

Time to sew my kids' homemade Halloween costumes / dress up play clothes.

Time to clean my house. It's seriously filthy and overlooked.

Time to plan my precious boy's 4th birthday party.

Time to pray and pray and pray and pray some more over Chase's next heart surgery that will take place most likely in May.

Time to update the blog about Chase's cardiology appointment earlier today.

Time to cook healthy meals for my family.

Time to grocery shop.

Time to spend in God's word.

Time to actually date my husband (without 3 kids & a drive-thru on the agenda).

The list goes on and on and on. I'm sure every mom can relate. It's not easy to balance work, family, volunteering and other commitments that require our time. I give kudos to those moms who were wired with the ability to work a full-time job while raising a family and still manage everything else with ease. I'll fully admit I am NOT wired that way.

If you would've asked teenage me what I wanted to be when I grew up, the answer was always the same:

A wife and a mother.

I'm there now. I've arrived. But I'm letting too many distractions keep me from doing my best at these two incredibly important roles that I've waited so long to fulfill.

I find myself missing out on the two weeknights of quality family time that I'm home each week by sitting at my computer, putting the needs of my daughter's school ahead of my family.

I find myself missing out on the ministry opportunity of singing in the choir each Wednesday because I'm so tired and overwhelmed by life to find the strength or willingness to go.

I find myself missing out on the relaxing yet productive Saturdays at home with my family because I'm commuting and working for 10 of those precious hours every Saturday.

I find myself missing out of the joy of worshipping with my family and setting a good example for our kids by attending church on Sundays because I'm too tired from working the day before and am just so desperate for some "downtime" with my family.

I find myself missing out on sharing in special school events with my children because although I volunteered to help with both LO & Chase's field trips, I just realized tonight that they are BOTH next Friday.

With Chase's first 4th birthday party that night.

Followed by Chase's second 4th birthday party the following morning (What? If anyone deserves two parties, it's this Rock Star Heart Warrior of mine!).

Whoa.

If you've read this far, way to go! Regular readers will know I always keep it real here. I'm being incredibly open and transparent with my struggles tonight -- that's for sure! If for no other reason, it's a wee bit liberating to me to put my thoughts out here so I can come back later and see that maybe it wasn't really as bad as it felt like at the time. Maybe?? And brain dumping on my blog has always been a good source of release for my crazy. ;)

So thanks to those of you who made it to the end. I covet your prayers as I work through some difficult decisions in the days ahead. Your support means so much!

Now to try and fit in some time for a few hours of much-needed sleep.

G'nite!


- Posted from my beloved iPhone 5