The Preparation.

As I sit here thinking about where I was 4 years ago at this very moment, I find it hard to put into words the emotions and fear that overwhelmed me. I was laboring with Chase at MUSC in Charleston, SC. A planned induction. An expected heart defect. Almost 4 hours from home. And So. Much. Worry & Fear.

I thought I'd throw back to 2009 here for a moment, and repost the entry I wrote 2 days before Chase's birth. I wouldn't post to the blog for 2 more days -- after my sweet warrior's birth -- so this is as close as it gets to summarizing the thoughts in my mind as I headed in to have this baby boy of mine. A sweet little boy who, though about to be born with only half a heart, had already wholeheartedly captured mine.

October 24, 2009

OhMyGoodness!

I'm truly having a hard time believing the time is almost here!

Today is SATURDAY.

I'm going to be admitted to the hospital TOMORROW.

Chase will be here on MONDAY.

It's all so surreal! I am happy to report that I finally got around to packing my hospital bag today. I guess that's part of what makes an induction so convenient -- I can plan accordingly. And it's no surprise to me that Chase hasn't shown any signs of making an early debut. But now that the bag is packed and I'll be heading to the hospital in less than 24 hours, I think it's time for it to finally settle in that I'm getting ready to have a baby!

Although the future is VERY scary to me and I fear for my son's health and survival in the coming days, I know that ultimately we are all in God's hands and that He has a perfect plan for my family. I'm not at all loving that I will have ZERO control over our circumstances. I'm not loving the fact that I most likely will not be able to hold my son for the first time until the night before his surgery, which very well might not be scheduled for 7 or more days after he's born. I'm not loving being 3-1/2 hours from home -- from our friends, our family, the house we call home. It's really weird to prepare to go to the hospital to give birth to a baby that you know you won't be bringing home with you anytime soon. I almost feel like I'm just going in for a "procedure" of some kind, and then a few months later, I'll get to go back and pick up a baby to bring home with me. It's so strange! I've never felt anything like this before. But I'm truly anticipating that God will do wonderful things over the next several weeks and I'm so grateful I get to witness His work first-hand!

- Posted using BlogPress on my beloved iPhone 5